Parents Countdown to College Coach » Wednesdays parent

Wednesday’s Parent: Top 5 Essay Posts for Parents

Suzanne Shaffer — Wed, 13 Aug 2014 14:37:59 +0000

The essay. Believe it or not, it’s a topic covered in teen angst shows—and when it’s covered, the parents end up writing the essays for their students. Why? Because the students are usually dreading, dreading, dreading writing the essay. And on top of that, they have no idea what to write or how to write it.

Apart from writing the essay yourself (you know you’re tempted—but resist with everything that is in you) here are some essay tips you can pass along to discreetly and subtly to your college-bound teen.

Answering the Common App Essay Prompts

The big idea here is that the story you want to tell matters a lot more than the prompt you attach to it. Most stories are about more than one thing, so yours might be about identity and failure, or about contentment and coming of age. So write the story first, and then figure out how to pitch it to an admissions committee. Having said that, it’s still useful to understand the questions.

5 Topics to Avoid in the College Application Essay

There’s a reason why schools require students to include essays, and it’s not just to see a sample of their writing ability. With thousands of applicants sporting similar qualifications and too few spots to accommodate them, something has to tip the scales, and it just might be the essay section. Picking the wrong one could mean getting a rejection letter. So here are just a few topics that students may want to steer clear of,

10 Tips for Writing More Competitive College Application Essays

With college admissions season in full swing, students nationwide are beginning to prepare their applications. While many of the academic elements like GPA, class rank and SAT score are set, one part of the application that students still exercise control over are the essays. To help students write competitive essays that will help get them noticed by admissions officers, Veritas Prep, the largest global provider of test prep and admissions consulting services, teamed up with Application Boot Camp®, America’s top college consulting firm, to offer ten tips students should follow as they draft their college application essays,

The College Essay Demystified

College essays go through many lives. You will write, re-write, and re-write again, over a period of weeks or even months. Inspiration can hit at any time.You want to have lots of time for your essays to percolate, to have those magic light bulb moments, or maybe even to wake up in the middle of the night from a dream and write a brilliantly creative essay (this really does happen!).

12 Essay Experts on Twitter

These twitter accounts are essay coaches—they help you write your OWN college essay by providing encouragement, guidance and support throughout the essay writing process. Follow them for tips about the essay and connect with them if your student needs help.

Read Wendy’s Post: Best Questions for Parents to Ask to Help with the College Essay

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Wednesday’s child may be full of woe but Wednesday’s Parent can substitute action for anxiety. Each Wednesday Wendy and I will provide parent tips to get and keep your student on the college track. It’s never too late or too early to start!

The bonus is on the fourth Wednesday of each month when Wendy and I will host Twitter chat #CampusChat at 9pm ET/6pm PT. We will feature an expert on a topic of interest for parents of the college-bound.

Wednesday’s Parent will give twice the info and double the blog posts on critical parenting issues by clicking on the link at the end of the article from parentscountdowntocollegecoach to pocsmom.com and vice versa.

Wednesday’s Parent: Encourage Summer Reading

Suzanne Shaffer — Wed, 06 Aug 2014 09:00:16 +0000

The National Literacy Trust did the research and found that becoming a lifetime reader is based on developing a deep love of reading.

“Research has repeatedly shown that motivation to read decreases with age, especially if pupils’ attitudes towards reading become less positive,” it said. “If children do not enjoy reading when they are young, then they are unlikely to do so when they get older.”

But if a student doesn’t see people reading at home, it may be harder to instill the idea of reading for pleasure. One of the best activities to encourage over the summer is reading. Reading improves vocabulary—a key component on standardized tests.

What can parents do to encourage summer reading?

Get involved

Discuss what books you are reading and why they interest you. Talk about blogs or articles that you have read and use these discussions to spark interest. This can be done over dinner as you encourage everyone at the table to get involved in the discussion.

Foster escape

Reading offers escape from the challenges of life and allows students to become engrossed as a form of self-indulgent relaxation. Seeing reading as a pleasurable activity and a means of escape moves it from the “have to” category of tasks to the “want to” column. Summer offers them the time to immerse themselves in all types of books and reading that interest them.

Encourage varied interest

It makes sense that a student will be more willing to read if it’s something that interests them. Allow your student to have control of venturing from one book to another, one area of interest to another, and one medium to another. Introduce them to a wide variety of texts and genres—comics, ebooks, short stories, online articles, blogs, and magazines shouldn’t be ignored.

Parents who read foster reading interest in their children. It’s not enough to say, “Go read a book”. Even if the child submits to the request, if they don’t enjoy reading, they aren’t going to absorb what they read and want to read more. Readers are more successful in school and in life. It’s one of the ways students grow mentally and intellectually.

Read Wendy’s post: 6 Unexpected Bonuses from Summer Reading

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Wednesday’s Parent: Stress, Stress and More Stress

Suzanne Shaffer — Wed, 30 Jul 2014 09:00:53 +0000

There is nothing more stressful than college prep while dealing with teenage drama. Following are the “best of” tips from Wednesday’s Parent on stress.

Surviving Standardized Tests

Nothing speaks more stress than standardized tests. Those two words or their acronyms are yelled, and screeched and treated with disdain in every college-bound household. Those two words cause fights, stressful days and nights, frustration over the teen’s lack of commitment, and absolute terror in the hearts of most college-bound teens. Nobody, and I mean nobody, likes taking tests.

For some tips on dealing with stress from the parent’s and the student’s perspective read more.

Pushing Buttons

Raising teenagers is stressful. Kids, especially teens, know exactly how to push your buttons. It might be back talk, or constant complaining or eye-rolling, but whatever the behavior, nearly every parent will experience the tactic of pushing buttons. Instead of giving my own advice on this topic, I’ve taken from two sources that should help you see both sides of the coin and perhaps help you deal with this inevitable conflict.

For tips on dealing with all the buttons teenagers push and seeing how parents in return push buttons as well, read more.

The Stress of College Prep

Stress. It’s a killer. Parents and teens deal with stress on a daily basis; and when the college prep season arrives, the stress intensifies. Do you know what to expect and how to deal with it? Just as with any family situation, anticipating problems that can or might arise should help you respond properly and deal with stress during college prep.

For tips on how to react to stressful college prep scenarios, read more.

Sibling Rivalry

Siblings. The very word conjures up thoughts of rivalry. A house with siblings is a house with sibling rivalry. As with any family, competition among siblings begins at an early age. They compete over just about everything: toys, bedtimes, gifts, food, clothing, and the list goes on and on. It’s only natural that the rivalry would increase during the college prep time, thus increasing stress. But is the rivalry between the siblings of their doing or are you initiating the rivalry by comparing one child to another?

For tips on how to deal with sibling rivalry, read more.

Read Wendy’s post: Wednesday’s Parent: Favorite Lines and Tips

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Wednesday’s Parent: Making the Illogical Logical-The Final College List

Suzanne Shaffer — Wed, 23 Jul 2014 09:00:02 +0000

Last week, I talked about Illogical college choices; choices that college-bound teens make that have nothing to do with the quality of education. Without strong parenting and some tough love, those illogical choices might make their way onto the final college list. Be strong and remember that you are the parent and often they need a slight dose of reality to snap them back into the realization that this decision is an important one.

Here are the three components of a final college list: reach schools, best fit schools, and safety schools.

Following a name—the dream team

So many students believe that attending a college with a “name” guarantees success. It’s your job to help them understand this is not necessarily true. The best college is the college that fits their academic, social and financial goals. It could be a “name”, but it will most likely won’t. Those colleges have low acceptance rates and give little financial aid. I’m all for dreaming but when it comes to a college list, practically and logic reign.

Following the money—the best bets

The colleges that populate this part of the list are colleges that would put your student at the top of the applicant pool. Of all the reasons, this is the most logical. After careful research, these colleges should be ones that offer everything on your student’s list: financial aid, academic fit, and an emotional connection. It’s not all about the money, but it sure does make the final decision easier.

Following a whim—the sure things

So many students add colleges on a whim just because they can’t decide. This happens more often than not when choosing the safety schools or sure things. These colleges could end up being the colleges that accept them and/or give them the most financial aid. Discuss the choices and make sure that these colleges are colleges your student wants to attend. It will relieve pressure and stress if they offer admission.

Turning illogical choices into logical ones is a delicate balance. Guiding your student in the right direction without forcing is the key. It’s easy—about as easy as threading a camel through the eye of a needle.

Read Wendy’s post: 5 Fantastic Tips to Refine a College List

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Wendy and I will share more insights into making a great college list on Wednesday’s Parent night (the fourth Wednesday of each month) on #CampusChat, Wednesday, July 23, 9pm ET/6pm PT. We will talk about the many factors to consider, how to finalize the list and the parent role in the process. Join us and bring your questions and comments.

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Wednesday’s Parent: Illogical College Choices–Part 1

Suzanne Shaffer — Wed, 16 Jul 2014 09:00:27 +0000

In March, Wendy and I discussed how to make a good college list (Part 1). Today, we’re revisiting that advice and adding some additional tips on helping them make those college choices.

Summer vacation is halfway gone and families have most likely been making some preliminary college visits. It’s only natural for students to begin formulating a lists of “wants” when they begin to see themselves in college. However, the difference between what they “want” and what they “need” can be miles apart. It’s your job to rein them in.

You student may list the following illogical things as his must-haves. Next week, I’ll discuss how to steer him in a different direction.

Going to the same school a boyfriend or girlfriend is going to—The danger here is obvious. High school romances rarely last and once the romance ends, so does the love for the college.
Only look at the colleges your best friend is viewing—Friendships, while many last a lifetime, are no reason to make a college choice. Friends oftentimes have different educational goals and career paths. Even if they line up, evaluate the true reasons for choosing the college and be sure it’s not for friendship. Besides, I saw many college friend explosions over the years when my kids were in school. It taints your view of the environment.
Choose a college because you love their football team—Being a Texas Aggie fan or a Texas Longhorn fan or a Notre Dame fan is no reason to attend their college. Investigate their academic programs and choose it if it gives you the best education for your needs and for your dollar.
Choose a college based on its “party” ranking—You would be surprised how many students choose schools that are ranked high as a party school. They convince their parents it’s for the academics, but truthfully it is not. My son did this after the Marine Corps. It was the worst decision he ever made. Too much partying equals academic failure. Besides, even the most stringent academic institutions have parties.
Limiting location—Don’t just look at colleges close to home. Check out some schools that are a little further away. It will increase your options.
Let the choice just happen—Many teens just slide in to the most comfortable place: they got an email from someone; their friend suggests it; their parents went there. Neither of these are good reasons to attend college.
Pick a college to impress someone—This is not a reason to choose a college. Keeping up with the Jones’ or trying to impress your friends will only result in your teen being unhappy at school.
Believe that the harder a college is to get into, the better it must be—The best colleges are sometimes the ones that have a high rate of acceptance. Research is the key to finding out the benefits of these schools.
Assume that all colleges are the same—All colleges offer an education, but not all colleges are the same. Programs, athletics, campus life, and even teaching styles vary. All of these can affect the overall college experience.
Rely on someone else’s opinion—Never assume anything about a particular college until you investigate and gather information. Opinions vary and at any given time you will always find someone that loves or hates a particular school.

Now read Wendy’s post: 2 Phases, 3 Points for Forming a College List

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Wednesday’s child may be full of woe but Wednesday’s Parent can substitute action for anxiety. Each Wednesday Wendy and I will provide parent tips to get and keep your student on the college track. It’s never too late or too early to start!

Wednesday’s Parent will give twice the info and double the blog posts on critical parenting issues by clicking on the link at the end of the article from parentscountdowntocollegecoach to pocsmom.com and vice versa.

Wednesday’s Parent: College Visits and the Illogical

Suzanne Shaffer — Wed, 09 Jul 2014 09:00:47 +0000

I will never forget Nancy Berk’s chapter in her book, College Bound and Gagged, when she talks about college visits. It only seems fitting as we revisit the student role in the college visit that I share Nancy’s story of a fairly common visit since we are revisiting the student’s role in the college visit today. She calls it “The Tour de Chance” and it goes like this:

Yes, there’s a chance you could land on campus and your teen will refuse to get out of the car. It’s pretty common, totally baffling, and goes something like this . . .

Son: I’ve seen enough; let’s go.

Parent: But we haven’t even parked the car yet.

Son: You don’t think I can tell already? I DON’T like it here.

Parent: But we’re finally here. Let’s get out and look around.

Once the visit is completed, the verdict is in and it’s far from logical. The campus can be breathtaking and the tour guide engaging, but don’t assume your teen’s impression will reflect that. Rejection rationale is not logical or consistent across high school juniors and seniors. Rejection reasons are often bipolar. They include:

Too many beautiful students–it’s not normal

Too many badly dressed students–it’s not normal

Gloomy weather–totally depressing

Too much sunshine–totally depressing

During tour experiences, parents wait for logical academic rejection reasons. Instead they are bombarded with reasons related to fashion, temperature, food and architecture. One friend was perplexed by the value her daughter placed on dormitory bathroom configurations.

Still seemingly ridiculous rejection reasons are easier to understand than the vague one most parents hear–”I just don’t like the look”. Teens can’t explain it, but they are 100% certain from “the look” that this college experience will be the worst one.

For more student college visit quirks check out my previous blog: The Student Role in the College Visit

And then read Wendy’s post: Must-know tricks and tips for successful college visits

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Wednesday’s Parent: Top 5 Posts about Safety

Suzanne Shaffer — Wed, 02 Jul 2014 09:00:38 +0000

“If you were my child, I would staple you to your bedroom wall.”
― Myra McEntire, Hourglass

Safety—are we ever truly safe? Every parent has probably voiced the above words or similar ones at some time or another. All we can do is give our kids the tools they need to avoid those situations that put them in danger. And then we have to let go and trust that it is enough.

Today’s Wednesday’s Parent revisits the topic of safety with my top 5 posts about safety:

6 Campus Safety Apps

It’s sad that we live in a time when we don’t feel safe at school. Schools used to be the safest place for kids, protected by teachers and staff and away from predators. Not anymore.

Safety First

Teaching safety begins when your child begins to walk and touch things. “Watch out it’s hot!” “Be careful, you could hurt yourself.” “Look both ways before you cross the street.” When your kids go off to college you worry about their safety. Why? Because you won’t be there to protect them and see that they stay safe.

6 Campus Safety Talking Points

Parenting on good days can be frightening. You never know when some unexpected event will occur and rock your world. It’s impossible to prepare for every unexpected occurrence, but we can take the time to equip our children with the knowledge and the tools they need to keep themselves from falling into dangerous situations.

Are You Concerned About Campus Security

Even though the thought of your child attending college brings forth feelings of pride and anticipation, if they are going to be living on campus, it’s understandable why it may also evoke a certain amount of concern. We all have read the news stories of unfortunate crimes that have happened at various colleges and universities across the country prompting you to investigate the security and safety of your child’s prospective colleges.

School Shootings—What’s a Parent to Do?

Every parent of college-bound teens should ask this question during the campus visit (preferably not in the presence of your student): what systems do you have in place to protect my child in the event of an emergency such as the Virginia Tech shooting?

Read Wendy’s Post: Safety Revisited

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Wednesday’s Parent: 5 Things a College-Bound Teen Should NOT Do This Summer

Suzanne Shaffer — Wed, 25 Jun 2014 09:00:00 +0000

It’s a well-known fact that admissions officers are concerned with how a student spends their spare time. Come application time, how your student spends the summer can either pump up your application or find them embarrassed to list those summer activities. Here are five things a college-bound teen should NOT do this summer:

1. Become an expert at Minecraft — spend the summer glued to the gaming console, stuffing your face with chips, cookies, and various snack foods while mastering the game.

2. Watch the all the seasons of Breaking Bad, The Walking Dead, or Mad Men — spend the summer binge watching any number of shows you missed during the school year, failing to leave the couch or the house for all three months.

3. Cram 20 extracurricular activities into one summer — sign up for everything that’s available from Habitat for Humanity, to Special Olympics, to volunteering at the soup kitchen; racking up enough activities to make the high school resume a volume.

4. Lay out at the beach and/or the pool working on your (skin cancer) tan — spend every waking moment outside lounging in the sun, listening to tunes on your iPod, and flirting with the opposite sex; impressing admissions officers with your ability to navigate the complicated social structure of high school.

5. Live at the gym working on your physique — spend hours, days, weeks, and months at the gym crafting an Arnold Schwarzeneger look, pounding down vitamin shakes and muscle building supplements.

All kidding aside, summer is meant to be fun, relaxing and a break from the rigors of the school year. But a summer that doesn’t include learning and some college prep is an opportunity wasted.

Read Wendy’s post: The Surprise on a College-Bound Summer To-Do List

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Tonight’s #CampusChat at 9PM ET addresses the summer to-do-list and how it affects the college application process. Join me (@suzanneshaffer) and @collegevisit as we host our monthly #WednesdaysParent with guest Ashley Hill of College Prep Ready, a consulting service for college-bound teens and their families (@prepforcollege).

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Wednesday’s Parent: Motivating an Unmotivated Student

Suzanne Shaffer — Wed, 18 Jun 2014 09:00:00 +0000

I’m well acquainted with this necessary parenting technique: I had an unmotivated student. It’s not that he wasn’t capable of achieving academic success; it was just that he didn’t have the motivation or the desire to do his best. He never soared in high school, or in the first semester of college, but he did reach his academic potential, finally.

It was hard having a child who didn’t grasp his full potential, no matter how much I told him he was capable of straight A’s. It just didn’t matter to him. Passing with average grades was good enough for him. Those grades, however, contributed to some difficult life choices and some hard lessons along the way. In the end, there were four factors that finally motivated him academically:

1. Good old-fashioned competition

My son chose the Marines over attending college; partly because of his grades and partly because the regiment and rules of the military appealed to him. My daughter worked hard in high school and attended college on several scholarships. My son watched her work hard and study and attended her college graduation with us. He had always felt she was smarter than him and that’s why she excelled. But the fact that she had that degree and he didn’t, made him think long and hard about what he wanted after his 4-year stint in the Marines.

2. Economic realities

After getting out of the Marines and immediately starting college, he crashed and burned. He wasn’t ready for the rigors of studying again and he failed miserably his first semester. After that he chose to go to work; and that meant he would be taking a minimum wage job until he found something better. That something better never came and he realized that in order to compete in the workforce, he needed that college degree.

3. The desire to prove something (mostly to himself)

Often, the greatest motivating factor can be to prove to yourself it’s possible to achieve a particular goal. He had much to prove: he had to start over at a community college, make good grades so he could transfer to a 4-year college, and stay with it until he finished. This one factor is probably what kept him motivated to graduate; and not just graduate, but graduate with summa cum laude with honors.

4. The promise of a positive outcome

My son knew that a college degree would affect his ability to gain employment in a market when most applicants were college graduates. He also knew that his academic achievements would be a plus on his resume and during job interviews.

The basic point here is that motivating an unmotivated student isn’t an easy task. Unfortunately for my son, I realized too late what would motivate him. The self-motivators, like my daughter, are never a problem. It’s the ones who aren’t motivated no matter what you try. If I had only known these four factors with my son, he might have been accepted at one of the military academies. Hopefully, my lessons learned might help other parents who struggle with unmotivated students.

Read Wendy’s post: Using irony and a proverb as self motivation for your teen

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Wednesday’s child may be full of woe but Wednesday’s Parent can substitute action for anxiety.Each Wednesday Wendy and I will provide parent tips to get and keep your student on the college track. It’s never too late or too early to start!

Wednesday’s Parent: Oh the conversations you should have (before prom)

Suzanne Shaffer — Wed, 11 Jun 2014 09:00:37 +0000

A play on words from Dr. Seuss’ “Oh the Places You’ll Go”; oh the conversations you should have before prom. Apart from the tears, the photos, the worrying and the knowledge that your little baby is all grown up, prom should be an opportunity for you to offer some straight talk about the BIG 3: Sex, Drugs and Drinking. Why? Because at every prom there are students who cross the line and participate in some risky behavior they think demonstrates adulthood.

Sex

Is dating gone? What about courtship? According to a recent NY Times article and most high school and college students it’s a dinosaur. They have random “hook ups” with people they meet–which can include anything from making out to oral sex to intercourse. Parents need to know and understand this new culture in order to prepare their students for college. As I’ve said before, preparation is much more than academics.

Read my post: The Hooking Up Culture

Drugs

If you or your child has been in the public school system in the last 30 years you’re familiar with the phrase–just say no. From first grade on, those words have been pounded into the heads of kids giving them an answer to anyone who offers them drugs or any other form of abuse. It’s not the answer sometimes that’s important, as much as the attitude behind the response.

Research shows that kids who have a good relationship with their parents are less likely to pursue a life of abuse. The drug awareness programs give parents some guidelines they say will help. They instruct parents to do several things and lead us to believe that if we follow those rules, our kids are less likely to succumb to peer pressure.

Their suggestions have merit. But the bottom line is that most kids, no matter how strong they appear or how great their relationship is with their parents, are going to find themselves in a situation where just saying “no” is not enough. Just saying “no” will be met with teasing, pressure, and even ridicule. It’s your job as a parent to prepare them for that moment.

Read my post: When Just Say “NO” is not enough

Drinking

Your teens are graduating from high school and heading to college. There are 17 million college students that drink alcohol, and 8.5 million of them are binge drinking. We’ve heard the terms “poor” or “struggling” college student before, but it’s no wonder they are living off of Ramen Noodles when there was a reported $163 billion spent on alcohol in America in 2011. It’s not all fun and games when young people are consuming 2 gallons per person of alcohol. There are negative consequences of this behavior that includes assault, rape, injury and even death.

Take a look at these two info graphics that will underscore the importance of this conversation:

How Much Do College Students Drink

The Truth About College Binge Drinking

These are brutal conversations to have with your teen but it may be the last time you can exert some parental influence before they leave for college in the fall. A good friend of mine, Paul Hemphill, a college admissions counselor, says, “every school is a party school.” A difficult fact to face but a reality. Have the conversations now—and if you’re lucky some of it will sink in.

For more prom tips, read Wendy’s post: Surviving Your Teen’s Prom

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