How early is too early to prepare for college? We’ve all seen those movie clips where the parents are agonizing over the right preschool to prepare their kids for the right kindergarten, the right grade school, and the right college preparatory school. These overachieving parents are convinced that college prep begins at birth. They take it to a whole other level elevating college jerseys into full blown college prep. But just how early is too early and how far should parents go when preparing their children for college?

With competition for college admission becoming stronger, parents are recognizing the need to begin college prep early. That doesn’t mean that you start drilling college into your toddler’s head (although some parents have been known to do this). It does mean that you begin a foundation for their education that will carry them into high school and eventually into college.

Looking at the three phases of education (elementary school, middle school and high school), what should parents do to prepare their students for college?

Elementary School

When discussing college prep, most of the discussions start in middle school and the steps begin when a student is in high school. But for a student to be truly prepared for college, parents should begin talking about it, thinking about it, and discussing it as early as elementary school.

Start talking about the value of education

Begin talking about the importance of education when your child enters kindergarten. The first seven years of education are filled with learning fundamental skills and gaining knowledge. This is the foundation of all future education. If your child loves school, excels in school, and is motivated to study and achieve excellence, the logical progression will be to continue their education by going to college.

Start talking about college

The opportunities that a college education provides can be relayed to your children during the early years of education.

For example, if your child is interested in dinosaurs, parents should talk about how people that research and recover dinosaur bones had to go to college first to learn how it’s done. Or if he is interested in space, discuss how scientists and astronauts go to college to learn the skills they need to work in that field. A child’s enthusiasms are the perfect opportunities to start a discussion about how college is key to pursuing and following those interests.

Visit colleges with the family

Visiting college isn’t just for teenagers. Many universities provide campus tours and visiting days when a staff member will guide a grade school class, or other group of children, around the campus and explain the unique and exciting things they can do when they grow up and go to college. Parents can also schedule outings with their children to the college or university from which they graduated. The important thing is to make college sound interesting, exciting and accessible.

Read more college prep tips from TeenLife for middle school and high school students

Much is debated about college names and prestige, especially among parents. It’s logical that parents want their kids to have the best opportunities available. It’s illogical that they place more value in the name than in the education itself. But so many parents encourage their kids to make illogical college choices. Where you go to college is not as important as you might think.

A rose by another other name is just as sweet

The college education itself is more important than the college name. Your student can get an excellent education at a community college, a small liberal arts college, or are large state university.

Attitude means more than status

If a student isn’t invested in college, the college reputation won’t make him any more committed to the education. Attitude is everything. A student who desires a learning and life experience can make that happen in any college environment.

There’s more to an education than the cost

Expensive institutions would want you to believe that their price is high because your student will receive a better education. That is not the case. There are over 400 four-year universities and colleges in this country providing quality education.

Employers don’t care about the names

A colleague of mine told me that some of the best government contractors will shun Ivy League graduates over those of the state colleges. Here’s on recruiter’s perspective:

Sometimes the poor kid who had to pay his way through Chico State has the most pluck and is the most driven. These types of employees are sometimes the most successful of all, because they are used to working hard from the get-go and did not come by anything in life through their dad’s connections. They have no sense of entitlement, so are willing to get their hands dirty for the mission.

Read the rest of the article and you’ll see why a college name doesn’t always fly with job recruiters.

Bragging rights for parents doesn’t translate into a good college investment. What matters most is the fit—does the college fit into your student’s wants and needs academically, financially, and socially. Plopping down big bucks in the hopes of a big payback after graduation is not a wise decision unless all the criteria are met.

Photo from Zinch’s blog: More Than a Test Score

During our student’s senior year of high school we live in a bubble. All sights are set on one goal—getting into college. Students and parents focus on college selection, college applications, financial aid forms, and then we wait. We wait for the offers of admission to come pouring in and then we compare financial aid packages and help them pack their bags for college.

But wait. Is it really that simple? Hardly. Most parents would say it’s anything but simple; it takes work, commitment and perseverance on both parts—parents and students.

Now that your student has graduated, the reality of the truth hits you—your son or daughter is leaving for college. Are they ready? How will they ever survive on their own? How will you survive and cope with the void that’s there when they are gone? Will they be safe? So many questions and concerns are rolling around in your head.

From one parent to another, survival depends on knowing what to expect, what to look for, and how to respond to your student. Here are 10 tips that should help cope with the empty nest:

1. Give yourself time to grieve (then move on)

It probably seems like yesterday that you were bringing your baby boy or girl home from the hospital and now they are preparing to go away for college. Although you always knew that this day would come and you are so proud of their accomplishments thus far, if you are really honest with yourself, there is a part of you that is also dreading it.

For this reason, there’s a pretty good chance that you will experience some separation anxiety, not unlike grief, when your child leaves the nest–often called “empty nest” syndrome. It’s normal for most parents and so while it’s nothing to panic over (or feel embarrassed about), you should give yourself some time to grieve and then move on with your life.

2. Don’t give in to fear

Boy how things have changed since we went to school in the 70’s and 80’s. They’ve even changed since my kids went in the 90’s and 2000’s. It’s a scary world out there and you would be crazy not to be anxious when your kids leave your care every day. But don’t let them see it; they need to feel safe and secure at school. Even though we know they are at risk, we have to trust that the teachers, staff, and administration will do their utmost to assure their safety.

3. Stay in touch (in moderation)

Before your son or daughter leaves for college make plans to stay in touch. Schedule time to communicate and discuss how often you need to hear from them. Don’t be that parent who tapped into campus security cameras so he could follow his daughter’s every move. Give your child some freedom to socialize, study and explore their surroundings. A text every day, a phone call every week, and face time once a month should be enough to help both of you feel connected.

4. Practice tough love

Don’t rescue them from every difficult situation. You know the term–helicopter parenting. It’s important for them to make messes, get hurt, feel disappointment, and even fail at tasks. This helps them develop life skills, achieve happiness, and be successful–the things we so desperately want to give them. Isn’t that what tough love is all about? Love your children so much you set rules, provide clear expectations, and allow them to fail so they can learn.

5. Watch the money

Money will burn a hole in your kid’s pocket. Before they leave for college have a clear understanding of what you plan to contribute toward living expenses and what you expect him to contribute. Explain the difference between wants and needs. Today’s kids are accustomed to instant gratification; but saving for something teaches them that just because they want something, it doesn’t mean they need it. When they are away at college, this will be the first question they ask themselves before pulling out an easily obtained credit card.

For the next 5 tips, check out my post on Zinch’s blog: More Than a Test Score

Parenting isn’t for cowards. Every day brings new challenges and new drama, especially if you’re living with a college bound teen. Navigating college roadblocks can be tricky at best, but as with any difficulties, anticipating the possibilities can help you face them with confidence.

Your college-bound teen tells you that she simply MUST go to Private College A, even though she knows it comes with a high price tag.

Don’t let her bully you into sending her to a college you can’t afford AND one that will require a tremendous amount of student loan debt. Sit her down and explain to her the dangers of graduating in debt. Use the college repayment calculators if you have to. If she truly wants to go to Private College A, she needs to do the work (good grades, good SAT/ACT scores, great essay) to be awarded scholarship/grant money from that college. If not, there are always other options and choices.

Your college-bound teen is not interested in college or any other path that leads him toward higher education.

If there is one thing I learned with both of my kids (and clients), if they aren’t invested in the college process they won’t be invested in college. Save yourself some time, money and heartache and wait until they are. If not, they can learn from the college of hard knocks–minimum wage jobs are the BEST motivator!

Your college-bound teen misses deadlines, panics and comes running to you at the last minute to fix it.

The simplest way I know to avoid missing deadlines, is to get yourself a huge wall calendar and a fat red marker. Put it in a place that they have to pass by every single day. In addition, with all the smartphones and calendar apps available today, missing a deadline should be a thing of the past. At some point (hopefully when they go to college), they will have to fix their own problems. Let them do it now, while they live at home, and it will be easier for them once they are gone. Rescuing your kids all time only makes them into dependent adults and colleges aren’t impressed with those type of students or the parents that come with them.

Your college-bound teen suddenly announces she is not ready for college and wants to take a year off.

First of all, wait. Don’t react. Just listen. Odds are the mood will change with the wind and once all her friends are making college plans, that desire that she once had will kick back in. If not, let her know that it won’t be a “free-ride” year. She will be expected to work and save the money she makes for college.

Your college-bound teen refuses to get out of the car on a campus visit

Before you even get out 0f the car your kid announces that he’s just not feeling it. Don’t even attempt to decipher what that means because it’s impossible to understand. You’ve driven (or flown) to go to a college he had on a list and now he’s just not feeling it. Bench your anger, take a deep breath and get out of the car. You’ve come all this way and you’re going to visit the college. In the best of worlds he will get out with you. In the worst of worlds he’ll stay in the car. There’s not much you can do with an obstinate teenager; it’s best to move on.

Your college-bound teen refuses to get organized

Procrastination—a teenager’s favorite technique for avoidance. If procrastination is their favorite technique, then tomorrow is their favorite word. Parents detest hearing that word from their kids, especially when it comes to the application process. What’s a parent to do? You can leave them to their own devises or you can be smart and find ways to help them stay organized. Beat them at their own game: text and email them reminders. If you’re sneaky, you can even add them to the calendar alerts on their smartphone or laptop. Hey, whatever works.

Moving from high school to college can be daunting. It’s your first step toward independence and adult responsibility. You transition from someone dictating your every move (parents) to the freedom of making every decision. Don’t expect, however, to ease right into college life without an adjustment period. College life will be much easier if you expect some bumps in the road and some course adjustments along the way.

Illustration from Zinch’s blog: More Than a Test Score

A recent report on college dropout rates presented some shocking statistics – 46% of those who enter college fail to graduate within six years. What you do your first year of college can impact not only your college years but your future. This makes the beginning weeks and months on campus critical for all new students.

Here are 10 tips to ease into college and help with the transition:

1). Don’t skip orientation.

Orientation helps you become familiar with the campus, its opportunities and on-campus organizations. During orientation you will meet your advisors, plan your schedule and do some group activities with other incoming freshmen. Skipping orientation is like skipping the first day of work. Orientation helps you ease into life on campus.

2). Make a friend.

Your college experience will be enhanced by the friendships you make. The first few months are the easiest time to make new friends. You can start with your roommate, your dorm mates, and your classmates. College is not the place to foster your inner shyness; it’s your opportunity to branch out, meet new people and make new relationships.

3). Get organized.

Since your parents won’t be there reminding you to study for your test, do your homework and go to class, you need to get organized. Keep a calendar, set alarms, make to-do lists, schedule study time, and keep track of all your term paper deadlines. Organization will give you peace of mind and alleviate those last minute panic attacks before a test or term paper due date.

4). Make academics a priority.

Even if you were an excellent high school student, this is college. Academics will be more challenging. Without constant parent nudging, it’s tempting to let the studying slide and skip class. If you begin to struggle or feel overwhelmed, get help. Speak with your professors. Take advantage of on-campus tutoring services. Don’t ignore the problem; act before your grades start a downward spiral.

5). Call home.

Every new college student gets homesick. Make time to call your family. They know you better than anyone else and will remind you that you always have their support. Set aside a time each week to talk with your family. It will curtail the homesickness and ease your parents’ inevitable tendency to worry.

Read more for the next 5 tips

A few years ago, I wrote an article for Smart College Visit about the importance of the college visit: Don’t Pick a College Sight Unseen:

As a parent of two kids who attended college, I learned a very valuable lesson: never pick a college sight unseen. The rules that apply to any major purchase are even more important when making the decision to invest thousands of dollars on a college education. You would never buy a car without test-driving it, or move into a home without taking a walk through and getting a home inspection. Based on my experience with both my kids, I can tell you that your teen should never accept admission to a college without getting a feel for the campus and campus life.

You can read the entire story about my kids and how the visit made all the difference here.

Added to that, I would urge you make a college visit BEFORE applying to any college. That’s why I was excited to be invited to participate in a chat hosted by U.S. News and Education.

On Thursday, June 5, U.S. News Education will host a Twitter chat to help parents and students make the most of college visits. The chat will cover a range of topics, including how to prepare for a college tour, questions to ask on campus and how the experience can shape the college application process.

Who: U.S News Education will moderate a panel of college visit experts, including admissions staff from Boston College (@BostonCollege) and Ohio State University (@futurebuckeyes), Z. Kelly Queijo, CEO of Smart College Visit (@collegevisit), and me (@suzanneshaffer).

What: A Twitter chat on college visits. Join the conversation by using the hashtag #CollegeVisit.​

Where: http://tweetchat.com/room/collegevisit 

Why: Campus visits are an important step in finding the right college fit, and both parents and students can benefit from seeing a school in person.

While resources like the U.S. News Best Colleges rankings can offer data about a school, interacting with current students and staff members is one of the best ways to gauge whether a college is a potential match. This chat will provide parents and students with tips from experts to make the most out of the college visit experience.

]]> http://www.parentscountdowntocollegecoach.com/2014/06/02/the-college-visit/feed/ 0 http://www.parentscountdowntocollegecoach.com/2014/05/19/help-without-harming/ http://www.parentscountdowntocollegecoach.com/2014/05/19/help-without-harming/#comments Mon, 19 May 2014 15:07:17 +0000 http://www.parentscountdowntocollegecoach.com/?p=7140  

As graduation approaches parents of college-bound teens will be transitioning to different phases in their teen’s lives. Being the parents that we are, we will want to help. And our helping is not always good. Sometimes we “help” and it ends up harming their ability to think, act, and decide for themselves. It’s easy to justify our actions but when it’s all said and done we want to raise competent, independent and decisive children.

Saying all of that, how do you help without harming?

Teach them to self-advocate

One of the greatest tools a young adult can have is the ability to self-advocate. For years you have been fighting their battles for them. When they reach high school and move on to college, it’s time for them to learn how to do it for themselves. It may be hard to stand by silently and watch your teen get hurt or struggle with relationships (both with other teens and adults); but if you don’t step back, your college-bound teen will never be able to stand on their own two feet.

Listen

Listening is the hardest thing for a parent to do. We want to fix things because that’s what parents do. But sometimes things don’t need to be fixed. Sometimes our kids need to learn that life will bring conflict, disappointment and discouragement. They will learn this if you don’t jump in and fix every problem instantly. In college they will need to fix their own problems. Start letting them do this in high school.

Recognize their independence

Start early in high school and increase their freedom just a little at a time. As they exhibit responsibility and trustworthiness, allow them more freedom. By the time they leave for college they should be able to make decisions based on what is best for them simply because you allowed them to do it high school and fail at times.

Let go

You know the old adage, “If you love someone, set them free.” Parents never want to set their children free. We say we do. We try to do it. But deep down, when that little baby turns into a young adult it becomes harder and harder to let go. Parents who don’t let go have to deal with the repercussions later. This holding on has produced a generation of boomerang children—children who return home after college because they can’t succeed as independent adults.

For those parents who are waving goodbye to their teens in the fall, you’ve got three months to give them a crash course in independence. If you’re parenting an incoming high school freshman your job should be easy—you’ve got four years to get it done right!

May means graduation. Your student will be graduating—but you are too. You’re graduating from years of college prep. For most parents it starts early—thinking and planning for their college education. When they are born, you think you have all the time in the world. This month, that time has flown by and you can’t believe they will be leaving soon for college. And the anxiety over losing your baby begins.

Have you done enough to prepare them for adulthood?

We all ask that question. And even when they are grown, it’s going to whirl through our minds from time to time. Parenthood has its challenges and throughout the 18 years or more that they are with us, we’re bound to struggle and wonder if we did everything we could do to teach them independence, consequences, and moral values. You may not feel like you did, but kids are like sponges. They soak up everything they see. They hear everything they say. And they will use it when you least expect it.

What will you do with yourself?

After years of shuffling them to school, sports, working on homework, and most recently spending every waking moment on college prep, what will you do with all this free time? If this is your only child, you’re going to feel lost. If it’s not, the other kids will absorb your time—don’t ask me how but it happens. If this is your last one and you’re facing an empty nest, be prepared to grieve. It’s going to happen; embrace it. Then, as with all grief, it will pass and it’s time for you to readjust your priorities. It’s time to ask yourself this question: What do “I” want? For 18 years or more it’s been all about them; now it’s time for it to be all about you!

How will they survive without you?

How will they remember to do their homework, wash their hands, clean their rooms, and get up in time for class? What will they eat and when will they eat? Will they get enough rest and concentrate on their health? Will they make friends easily? Will they succumb to peer pressure?

You’ve been their lifejacket for the last 18 years. It’s time for them to swim, and possibly sink, on their own. Trust that you have taught them well and if they do start to struggle or fail, they will work it out as all adults must do. It’s scary standing on the sidelines but it’s time to remind yourself that they will be fine without you.

Isn’t that our goal from the day they are born? We just didn’t think it would come so soon. Wipe the tears, celebrate their achievement, and look ahead to the future. It’s going to be an exciting era—for both you and your kids.

Every day parents complain about the high cost of college and the fact that even though they have saved, it’s not going to be enough to cover present day costs. When the kids enter high school, most parents begin to panic. The time has slipped away from them and they are faced with some difficult decisions. The thought of disappointing their kids seems unfathomable and the thought of telling their family and friends that they can’t afford to send their kids to college is even worse.

Consequently, we exhibit behavior that has devastating consequences for us and for our kids:

• We make unwise decisions related to student loans
• We neglect to tell our kids “no” when a college is beyond our ability to pay
• We don’t include our kids in the financial aspects of the decision in the beginning

I read a post by Lynn O’Shaughnessy on The College Solution blog entitled “We are Done Paying for College”– it made me stop and think: what are our priorities as parents? Lynn and her husband began planning when their kids were little. They scrimped and saved and prepared for the day when they would go to college. It required sacrifice and commitment. But they did it and can say that their kids graduated without any student loan debt. You owe it to yourself to read her post, even if your kids are already in high school. It’s a definite wakeup call for all parents of college-bound teens.

Step back and evaluate

What are your priorities? Is college important enough for you to make some sacrifices? This means financial sacrifices and sacrifices of your time.

Make a plan and stick to it

If paying for college means driving an older model car for a few years, do it. If you need to supplement your education savings by taking on a second job and insisting your kids work during high school, make it work. If your family has to forgo some vacations, a new home, or a eating out often, it’s worth the sacrifice. But whatever you decide, make a plan and stick to it.

Be creative and think outside the box

There are so many creative ways to attain a college degree. Your kid isn’t bound to the typical four-year University or attending four consecutive years in a row. It’s also not necessarily essential that they attend college right out of high school. Do whatever it takes to attain the degree without debt and causing the family financial hardship.

It doesn’t matter where you are in the college prep process. You should evaluate your priorities and ask yourself some tough questions. It may sting in the beginning but once you’ve examined your options, you’ll sleep easier and so will your kids.

How early is too early to start preparing for college? Should you start in grade school? Should you wait until high school? How and when do you begin the process?

Grade School

Some type A, over controlling parents will tell you they start grooming their kids for college in grade school. Sounds crazy, doesn’t it? But on some level, it’s not that crazy. In grade school you help them form the foundation for academic success and the attitude of serving others. Both these character traits will serve them well as they begin the college prep process.

Middle School

Ideally, middle school students should begin the pre-planning process for high school. Course selection begins at this level as well, carrying on into high school.

Recognizing this need, John Ma, a college counselor, begins coaching students in the 6th grade:

Building up true interests and strong extracurriculars and leadership positions can help students thrive during the brutal top-tier college app season. Booksmart kids with high test scores and high grades are a dime a dozen, and strong academic performance is simply expected at top universities. Highly developed extracurriculars that reflect a standout character and strong communication and leadership skills significantly increase chances for admission.

Middle school is the place to begin developing the traits that colleges consider key in the application process.

High School

It goes without saying that students who enter high school should hit the ground running. The intense years of college prep begin as they become freshmen. From making wise course selection courses to establishing a commitment to community service to striving to excel academically, students who approach college prep early will reap the benefits of their preparation.

If you look at college preparation as training your child to excel in life, you can see that setting the groundwork for success early in life will alleviate some of the stress and pressure during the college application time. A student who has a strong academic record, a solid commitment over the last four years to one area of community service, and planned ahead for application time will be less stressed and more ready to approach the highly demanding months of senior year.

As I like to say–preparation prevents panic. And the college admissions process will be much smoother if you plan early.